I looked it up on Urban Dictionary, but I’m not really sure that even helped me at all.

Here’s what I found:

1. Tiger Pumping

Ballpumping forces fluids into different tissues at different rates. The testicles enlarge faster than the sac, just as the core of the cock enlarges faster than the skin. So if you pump a short session, you’ll get big eggs hanging in your sac. If you go for a real long session, you’ll get a big bloated “grapefruit” sac.

I was Tiger Pumping so much my balls exploded.

Umm… WHAT? Is this any different than regular jerking off? I am seriously perplexed. In my research, I also found this website which, LAWD, is NOT safe for work. And you know if I’m all “DON’T DO IT!” that’s it’s got to be really, really explicit.

But this website didn’t even help me understand… I’m speculating that the Date Wreck in question is actually involved in a penis pump pyramid scheme. Buy your penis pumps from me!

Strangely enough, I found the answer I was seeking from none other than Yahoo! Answers. Who would have figured that one could actually find information on that website!?

So, by now, you’ve lost your breakfast/lunch/dinner/mind and you’re wondering why in the FUCK would I be talking about Tigerpumping, right?

You can all thank BlueElvis99 for this new wrinkle in your brain!

BlueElvis99

63 / M / Straight / Single

Blacksburg, Virginia

I am single, STRAIGHT, and enjoying spring.

My Self-Summary

Self Summary
THIS WEB SITE IS A JOKE!
I will be 64 July the 26th…
It has been a long, and hard , but fruitful life.
I graduated High School ( 1964 ) and attended college.
Was married, then divorced after 10 years.
She passed away. (Click on PHOTOS above to see all).
I am currently retired, and enjoying myself.
I am from a farm background , growing up, but have worked several different jobs during my working years.
I have worked mostly warehouse type work, either as stock/pick, and / or as a supervisor in the warehouse.
But I also, in my much younger years, did a bit of construction work, and plant type work ( TOM’s , MARIO, Coca – Cola , etc. such as that)
WAREHOUSE - CONSTRUCTION - INDUSTRIAL.
RETIRED - FREEDOM - Joy - PEACE.
MARIO - Coca-Cola - TOMS - H L Coble .
What I’m doing
I volunteer here where I live.
There are many people needing help, in one way,
or another. This is a Retirement Village.
I do many things here.
Take folks to the doctor, to shop, get their meds, etc.
VOLUNTEER - EAT - COOK.
DOCTOR - SHOP - MEDS.
I’m really good at
I am good at helping folks.
I can cook pretty well.
Love to eat.
Good French kisser.
Pretty good in bed.
If these things bother you , PLEASE LEAVE, just click here
FRENCH KISSING - COOKING - Doggie Style.
Musically, I love to piddle with musical things.
Cannot play an instrument, but good at lyrics, ideas.
Some of my Musical Stuff here, CLICK
Not that great, but several genres involved.
If you’ve read down this far, congratulations!
YOU truly want to know more about ME!
Now, dahlia62 seems to think I mention TOO much about SEX!
And that I need to ” clean up my profile” a bit.
Really? Is it THAT bad? I’m gonna bite her ears! Grrrrrr!
Things people notice
I am friendly, can talk to most folks.
My helpfulness.
Go out of my way lots of times trying to be nice.
FRIENDS - HELPFUL. FRENCH KISSING, oh that again!
Books Movies Music and Foods
Bible, “The 12th Planet”, How to books.
Most movies, but not with lots of gore.
Rock, Country, Jazz, Blues, Blue Grass , etc. But not RAP..
Most foods. MEATS - SALADS - VEGGIES - DESSERTS-
MOVIES - MUSIC - FOODS.
My Neice makes Sassy Sweet Cakes, CLICK HERE to see

Never do without
I don’t think there is much I need , that much.
Food, Water, Love, Sex, Joy, and Hope.
SEX - JOY - LOVE.
ORGASM - CLIMAX. Things most folks enjoy!
I think about
Many things, nationally and world wide.
Freedom, democracy, Christian principles, etc.
INDEPENDENT - FREEDOM.
CHRISTIAN - FLAG - ARMY.
Friday Nights
Resting from the weeks chores, etc.
TV , read a bit, NEWS, maybe a movie.
NEWS,, ….Here Some Too

Private Thing
I miss having a close friend.
I have many friends, here , but no sex.
That sucks.
MASTURBATE - MAN THING.
SPANK THE MONKEY - tigerpumping.
Ohhh , women ( well , most) do it too. It’s just human nature.
If that bothers you, oh .. please just leave.
And get yourself a vibrator. VIBRATOR – secret pal.
You should message
If you decide to.
I seek more friends, who knows.
Might just hit it off, or maybe not.
One never knows!
GOOD LUCK TO YOU.
God Bless.
Peace.
**
I know most women on here are looking for a “Donald Trump”, for sure.
Most don’t answer ya, when ya holler at ‘em!
I’d say 90% of the listings here are pure JUNK!
Of the good 10% , ummmm , got a lot of men chasing that 10%.
**

What I’m doing with my life

(SEE ABOVE PLEASE)***********************************************

I’m really good at

(SEE ABOVE PLEASE)*********************************************

The first things people usually notice about me

(SEE ABOVE PLEASE)**********************************************

My favorite books, movies, music, and food

(SEE ABOVE PLEASE)**********************************************

The six things I could never do without

(SEE ABOVE PLEASE)*********************************************

I spend a lot of time thinking about

(SEE ABOVE PLEASE)******************************************

On a typical Friday night I am

(Many things , but … see above)*********************************

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here

(SEE ABOVE PLEASE )*********************************************

You should message me if

(SEE ABOVE PLEASE)*******************************

I swear to God… I’m going to quit writing these posts at night… Before bed. I find myself horrified and dumbfounded and speechless. I just don’t even feel like I’ve got the energy to get into this right now, guys.

The panty shot was just it for me — literally, throw me over a god damn cliff.

In case you forgot: THIS MAN IS SOMEBODY’S GRANDPA! Can you imagine? Loot-de-doo-de-doot… Just scrolling through my favorite website, Datewrecks…. La-de-dah-de-dah… HOLY FUCK, THAT’S MY GRANDPA! Listen, if you’re reading this right now, and you realize this is your grandpa, please know that you don’t have to suffer in silence. You’re more than welcome to disown him, right here, right now. Now come here, lemme hug you.

What a sad, sad situation…

Also, sixty three? COME THE FUCK ON, GRAMPS!

I do sort of appreciate his business time socks in the last picture… I mean, at least you know he takes that kind of thing seriously.