Date Wrecks:

I had an idea today… We discussed it on the Facebook Fan Page, and the consensus was that it was brilliant.

This means I’m brilliant, too. Oh, these tiny morsels of reassurance. Thank you for that.

Here’s the pitch: The Date Wrecks Voicemail Machine

Say, you’re on a date, and you can FEEL it starting to get wrecky… He’s started biting his fingernails and spitting them onto the floor of the restaurant. She literally just passed gas in front of you. He slapped you on the ass as you got up from the bar to end the date. She showed up and not only looked nothing like her pictures, you also suspect she is a he.

You’re on a date with a Date Wreck. What’s the first thing you do?

Duh. Call the Date Wrecks Voicemail Machine. You simply whip out your phone and bloop-de-bloop-doop-doot dial us up and you have two minutes to tell me why your date is a wreck.

You can call me from the bathroom stall… Call me when he left you in the car so he could go holla at his boy. Call me while she’s gone to powder her larger-than-life nose and tell me how you hope you sees the giant green flaky monster that’s been waving back and forth with her every breath at you, taunting you as if you to say, “Doooon’t looook atttt the booooooger!”

Or shit, dial the phone number, and lay your phone on the table and let us HEAR how wrecky he/she is first hand, okay?

What’s that? You say you’ve been sitting at the bar for fifteen minutes and you think he’s still in the bathroom taking a dump? Those were some kick-ass nachos, hm?

Did you just sneak out of your date? Pretended that the nachos were upsetting your stomach and slllllipped out the backdoor?

I’ll take these voicemails, upload the MP3s and we’ll all share a good laugh at your misfortune because, really, it’s only super funny if you can relate.

I’ve done a bit of research and it looks like Skype is going to be the cheapest option. I can buy a phone number for a year (likely a local 404 number here in Atlanta) and you can call this number and leave a message in my Skype inbox. I’ll do the rest.

Sounds like fun? Sweet.

Now the not so fun part: I  need $60 to make this happen. I know I joke all the time, “Y’all give me your money. I’m poor!” But it’s the truth. I really am. As it stands, I don’t make any money off this blog. Whatever failed attempts I’ve made at setting up advertising fail miserably. This is, quite simply, the blog that will never make money. If I could make regular money, I’d have all kinds of features like this to make this website a bit more interactive and fun but I don’t make any, so if you want this to happen, you’ve got to make it happen.

There’s a donate button in the sidebar, another one on the About Me page or you can just login to your PayPal and send moolah to datewrecks@gmail.com

Seriously, there’s almost 250,000 of you reading regularly every month. Toss me a buck. Let’s make this feature happen. I think it would be HILARIOUS.