…and the exclamation points. Everybody knows that if you use two or more exclamation points at the end of a sentence, it makes you TWICE as fun.
Doye. There’s naked man ass in this post, kidlets. That’s your warning.
cute fun cool guy for P/T fwb – 41 (the BING ny)
cool fun professional man…recently single…tall, handsome, strong, in good shape…great kisser!!…the BEST massages in the world….
seeks a pretty woman //keeps herself in good shape// open minded and spontaneous//20-30 years old//for ongoing FWB relationship
when i am in town for business…..u will be treated very well…dinners/drinks/shopping for clothes and shoes//420 and roses!!
a very good deal because this would only be once a week and i am a true gentleman; mature and truely more interested in your pleasure than my own!!
i stay at nice hotels and would like you there with me when i’m there!!….this way u can have your cake and eat it too!!//best of both worlds!!
have a sweet well mannered man pamper you one night a week and then live your normal life!!….again, i am looking for ONE special young woman to spend time with/ please be cute, fun and in shape!!….i’m into kissing, touching and carressing, massaging and other thoughtful tender activities; you will feel NO pressure from me…and you will want to be with me every week because i am so attentive to your wants/needs!!
…PICTURES r a MUST!!!…..put PART TIME in response title or i will not answer!!!!!!!!!….hope to hear from u soon!!
By recently single, he means that his wife JUST moved in with Alejandro, the young ass-shy pool boy. She left in such a hurry that she couldn’t be bothered to take her Laura Ashley curtains or that wreath that she made with the help of Martha Stewart’s Living.
“Wanda! Tell me about the man you met on Craigslist, honey!”
“Oh my GAWD, Sally. He’s so romanticle.”
“Tell me, Wanda! What was it like?”
“He brought me a pair of Keds, roses and a big fatty joint!”
“Oh, Wanda… You’re such a lucky girl to have an ongoing friends with benefits situation with such a HUNK!”
Are you fucking kidding me? DUDE. I have a feeling if you were SOOO attentive, your wife wouldn’t have been schtupping the pool boy and left you with a four bedroom house in the ‘burbs, right?
And can we talk about all the naked butt shots, man? I’m all for my man having a cute caboose… But I’m not really sure I understand why you’ve uploaded two pictures of your ass. Are you trying to show us that you’re tan? Do you want me to take a look at that mole on your hip that doesn’t look particularly round? Ohh, I get it. You’re showing us your best ASSet. Get it? GET IT? Yep… That response? The groans and heavy sighs from the in-studio audience? That’s about the same response you’re going to get from showing us your ass. Put your damn pants on, homie.
Ladies, two things:
If you’re stupid enough to believe that a man seeking sex on the internet is going to be “attentive to your needs” and that he is “more interested in your pleasure” than his, c’mere. No, closer. COME HERE, dammit. Lemme just line things up here and, HOOOOUGH! There. I kicked you in the cunt. Get fucking real.
Also, regarding men who profess to giving the “best massages in the world” — No. You don’t . There’s no possible way that you could give the kind of massage that would rank up there as the best if you’re also trying to fuck me. It’s true! You’re going to get an erection when you’re oiling up my back. You. Just. Are. And erections have nothing to do with great massages, even if you’re rubbing your dick on my neck. Erections have to do with sex. My massage guy is married and he has NEVER GIVEN HIS WIFE A MASSAGE because it would sexualize the massage experience. Seriously. NEVER. If you want a REAL massage, email me and I’ll give you his information. He’s amazing. It’s so good that you shouldn’t even call it a massage.
If you want to have some fumbling, horny dork’s hands just slipping and sliding all over your back and — woops! Didn’t mean to grab your ass! And, OMG is that your vagina??? Are your boobs sore? Do you need me to massage your boobs? Just call this guy. He’ll fix you right up, and by right up, I mean he’ll rub your back for a few minutes and then roll over, place his cocky hands with laced fingers behind his head and expect you to pleeeease him with a beeeej. Oh, COME ON. He totally brought you that joint, remember?
