Sarah in Ottawa sends in this gem from her inbox:
The following is an email exchange I had with a guy on OkCupid. His profile wasn’t filled out, the only information he had was that he was from Reykjavik. He starts off on a somewhat over-familiar note:
Icelandic Pervert: “You don’t want babies…just the type of woman most kids end up with for a mother…you are not too exciting or so you say…just the right justification for having procreative sex with me….
I’m visiting …call me….
Me: Nice approach. I’m sure it will work wonders for you.
IP: What’s your phone number…I want to spice you up a little///don’t be a wet blanket….come out of your shell…stop hiding behind your height….
Me: Do you think I’m hiding behind my height? Or do you think it’s more likely that you’re a bit of a creep. Take your time, I know most creeps don’t recognize themselves for what they are.
Creep.
IP: C’mon, girlfriend…name calling…I expect more from a self proclaimed intelligent woman…I won’t accept that kind of garbage from you…I expect more from you..I am going to make you a better you…a creep….really…let’s hit Elgin St tonight, we’ll have a coffee or do you want to go for a gelato…or I’ll play some Mozart for you on my baby grand…
If you can’t think outside the box and envision a relationship where you are challenged, then stick with the name calling…anyway, let’s not bicker…I’ll send you my cell phone number or if you have gmail we can voice chat later…
Stay up real late…I’ll pick you up at 2:30 am and we’ll go for brekkie at the Elgin St diner…;-)
Me: Frankly, I don’t give a flying fuck what you would accept or expect from me.
Did you really just call me “girlfriend?” Did you snap your fingers and sashay cross the room as you did it? Gross.
An ellipsis is not a proper way to end a sentence.
IP: lol….sashay…..lol…snapping of the fingers…lol…hardly
anyway, you used the ‘F’ word…maybe, we should just do that and release all the surplus energy…
You seem to be wound too tightly at the moment…you would have a more balanced approach if you we had a little romp tonight…I can be there by 9….or I’ll rent a suite somewhere if you would like some anonymous bad girl action….I think I understand you and you want to remain a little mystery to your fellow citizens…lighten up, babe..
Me: You understand me do you?
Well, you’re getting blocked. Maybe that will make you understand a little better.
Good luck finding some skank who’ll be charmed by all this.
After I blocked him, he continued to check out my profile for the next couple of days. The worst part of all of this is that this guy reminds me of multiple exes. I have a seriously strong freak bacon.
Good LORD. I will say this though, Sarah. I do sort of wish you would have agreed to meet him if for no other reason than to be able to have this conversation:
IP: So, pretty lady. I’m feeling freaky… What do you want to do?
Sarah: [battlecry style] KYITN!
