Man, I love submissions like this! Donna sends this one in:
I just got this IM conversation from this guy http://www.okcupid.com/profile/ChicagoChris4u
[11:35:02 am]ChicagoChris4u:knock knock
[11:37:00 am]me:yes?
[11:38:00 am]ChicagoChris4u:it’s just Mr. tall, adventuraous, and educated….oh…and called “really hot” this a.m. by gay guy at health club
DUDE. Seriously? This is your lead in??
[11:39:06 am]me:congratulations?
[11:40:27 am]ChicagoChris4u:well…at least someone is hot for me (and gawd…in the steam room of all places!)
[11:41:52 am]me:everyone’s hot in the steam room, no?
Oh, so very well played, Donna. Bravo!
[11:42:27 am]ChicagoChris4u:think I may have let him get to first base on accident…..
[11:43:47 am]me:it happens
[11:44:21 am]ChicagoChris4u:now he wants to take me out on a date
[11:47:20 am]ChicagoChris4u:do you think he’ll try to kiss me again?
[11:48:09 am]me:possibly?
[11:49:09 am]ChicagoChris4u:well…he is a Will Smith lookalike and I tend to find light-skinned AA men HOT!!! I wonder if we’ll do more than kiss……
OMFG. What planet is this?!?
[11:49:47 am]me:possibly?
[11:50:41 am]ChicagoChris4u:glad I got a chance to “see” him this a.m…….HUGE!!!!!
[11:51:24 am]me:he sounds perfect
I’m hearing this in a very Daria-esque voice.
[11:52:18 am]ChicagoChris4u:I also kinda did something while in the steam room with him…….
[11:54:19 am]me:shouldn’t you be talking to him about all of this?
Or maybe your minister…?
[11:55:21 am]ChicagoChris4u:thought you’d give me a suggestion or two
[11:56:54 am]me:suggestion for what?
[11:57:24 am]ChicagoChris4u:giving him head!
[11:58:57 am]me:do it if you want to’
Wise words, kids. Do it if you want to — I’m about ready to get that in script as a tramp stamp.
[12:05:29 pm]me:I will suggest that in the future, you don’t approach total strangers asking them to talk about oral sex
[12:05:46 pm]ChicagoChris4u:go away you crabby ass
[12:06:25 pm]me:and you should change your profile to reflect that you’re more of an asshole than meets the eye
[12:06:46 pm]ChicagoChris4u:you foreignors are all alike….
[12:09:34 pm]me:Born and bred right here in Illinois, asshole
[12:10:14 pm]ChicagoChris4u:your vocabulary illustrates your poor educational upbringing…and that’s a shame…..
[12:10:32 pm]me:OH NO I MADE A TYPO
[12:10:36 pm]me:I SHOULD BE DEPORTED
[12:10:43 pm]me:EXCEPT I’M A US CITIZEN
OMGWTFBBQ! I CAN HAZ ON LINE DATE? Seriously, best use of caps lock in an instant message exchange. I am so very impressed, Donna.
[12:11:00 pm]ChicagoChris4u:doubt that very much
[12:11:39 pm]me:believe it or not, your forebears immigrated to this country
[12:12:42 pm]ChicagoChris4u:no they didn’t….the American Indiands were native….do they teach ANYTHING in Illinois schools?!
[12:13:00 pm]me:WHOOPS YOU MADE A TYPO
[12:13:05 pm]me:TIME TO DEPORT YOU
Say it with me: In.Di.Ands.
[12:13:31 pm]me:you’re going to have to take intellectual out of your profile now
Seriously… I got this email and just… I laughed super hard and then just lowered my head in reverence to you, Donna. You keep on keepin’ on man.
Everybody give a roaring round of applause to Donna!
