From The Minds of Nerds
Craigslist Crazies — By Jami on July 6, 2010 at 8:00 am
Nintendo 64 lessons for friend with benefits!! – $1 (Bay Ridge)
Have you always wanted to beat Perfect Dark on its hardest level? Do you know where to find Majora’s Mask? Would you like to beat Super Smash Bros, even with Jigglypuff? If so, then I’m your man. If you are a talented, beautiful, smart (preferably ivy league educated) woman I would be willing to let you watch me beat all N64 video games while you teach me a thing or two in the bed room. I am currently living at home on Staten Island, so if you have your own place, that is a plus. If you have a television with RCA plugs, that is a HUGE plus. I’ll provide the Nintendo, you provide the sensuality and we’ll see if together we can beat Paperboy 64… Hit me up with a pic and resume in the body of the response (Sorry NO ATTACHMENTS).
Oh! Bless his little nerdy heart! I don’t really get into video games, but I’m guessing that the kind of girls that ARE good at video games probably don’t need lessons. But that’s really not even what he’s offering.
So, basically… I’m a highly educated woman with super skills in the bedroom and I’m supposed to want to invite you over to my house (because your parents in Staten Island might not be too thrilled with all my whooping and hollering), watching you play video games on my couch and then when you’re done I’m supposed to pleasure you?
Seriously? Maybe he’s joking… It’s hard to tell. I mean, I’ve met men that were just as delusional as this guy, but man… If it’s real… Don’t you think he’d be able to get pity sex from one of his gamer friends that is a girl?
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28 Comments
This sort of dude doesn’t get that there are women who game, so of course she’ll need to be taught. It’s a common myth among guy gamers that women just aren’t into it, just like the common myth that gamers are all teenaged boys.
(Last survey stats I saw, it’s close on 50% 30-year-old women.)
Super Lurve
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That may be, but I’ll bet my house that this is a 13 year old boy trying to get his first zesty session!
Super Lurve
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Would a 13 year old even know what a Nintendo 64 is? That thing was released before he was born!! This cannot be real.
Love it or hate it?
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This is a joke. It has to be. I can’t go through life believing otherwise.
Super Lurve
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If these were even lessons, I could see how some antisocial master gamer might think this was a fair trade, but watching him play games? Do you know how boring most games are to someone not playing them? Do you know how many people are thrilled to have someone watch them play games WITHOUT having the expectation of hot dirty lovin? Hell, most people will even let you touch the controller..
Super Lurve
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As a gamer girl, I can tell you that no, he would not get even pity sex. We may be nerds, but we still have taste. If this isn’t a joke, I am fairly certain that he has no female friends, otherwise they would have knocked some sense into him. Also, he wouldn’t be bragging like this if he was getting regularly beaten at games by girls. And agreed with Mika – games are fun to play, but are incredibly boring to watch. This guy is delusional.
Super Lurve
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Fellow gamer girl agrees that he would not even get pity side-boob. Trying to trade lessons for awkward nerdy virgin sex is the worst idea I’ve ever come across.
Super Lurve
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And the WORST part is that he assumes that we need lessons, as opposed to someone to play with. And you’re right, he’s probably terrible in bed. What a schmuck.
Super Lurve
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Another (more or less ex)gamer girl agrees. Not pity sex, copping a pity feel, not even a pity Dorito would such a man get from the likes of the ladies. Just the pity please, with no sides or a beverage…
Super Lurve
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I mean, I have to enjoy watching some games, but still not enough to sex the player.
Also, if I want to learn how to play a game, I’LL PLAY THE DAMN GAME.
If I get stuck, the internet has walkthroughs. He’s essentially trying to buy sex with a several hour long walkthrough. NOT going to happen.
I find it particularly funny because someone actually tried this in person with me about a month ago. Ah, the joys of college.
Super Lurve
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Nintendo 64? PSH. Yesterday we celebrated our 3rd anniversary playing on a PS2. But maybe a Nintendo 64 is for couples who haven’t been together as long?
Super Lurve
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Yeah, because an ivy league educated woman has nothing better to do than sit around in his mom’s basement and watch him play video games and then have lousy sex. This has to be a joke.
Super Lurve
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Yeah, it’s the “Ivy-League-educated” part that makes me think this has to be a joke. That and the letting you watch him part — even the most antisocial nerds I know (and I play World of Warcraft, for fuck’s sake) know better than that.
Though a lot of them do think “girls” (i.e., all women) are really stupid and slow and break everything they touch …
Super Lurve
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i’m not putting out for anything less than a wii
Super Lurve
18 
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Boy, is he ever going to be disappointed that I don’t look like the girls in video games.
Super Lurve
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Location: There’s at least ten men who would love to have this arrangement in every town of 1000 or more. There was one of these living on my couch for a while, then I got smart. Your offer is not that original, sir. Could you not maybe splurge on a WII or X-Box?
N64? Seriously? I had an N64 when before I was in high school, and I’ll just say I’m inching towards my 10-year reunion. That thing was the biggest piece of junk. It kept shuting down at random times. Probably exactly like what sex with this loser is going to be like.
Super Lurve
10 
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I don’t remember someone being so excited about a Nintendo 64 since, well since…
http://www.guzer.com/videos/nintendo_64.php
Love it or hate it?
2 
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Hmm, Nintendo 64, eh?
Well it sounds like I should introduce him to an acquaintance, Elsie Kay Haversham, who oft might be found playing her Pong ™ game on her Atari 64, which I might add is hooked up to her color television.
Super Lurve
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How could you leave out the last line of this wonderful ad, Jami?
“PS Advanced degrees and teaching experience will definitely be considered first.”
Hell, the nerdiest women I know (and trust me, I know nerdy women – I am one) would tell this joker were to stick his N64. As previously stated, I would rather spend the night in a graveyard than watch someone else play a game. And any woman with an education has seen enough to know she’d be better off staying at home and washing her hair than hooking up with this loser.
Love it or hate it?
4 
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Teaching experience indeed. He’s looking for someone to blow him after he plays Zelda. This is not a tenure track position.
Also, really now Jami.
We, the badass geek girls of the world, have the advantage of scarcity on our side. Why should one of us throw pity sex at such an obvious loser when there are awesome geek boys who’ll appreciate us? At least now we know he won’t breed.
Super Lurve
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There’s money involved, making this gentleman a prostitute.
Super Lurve
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Well, to be strictly accurate, the heading only says $1 — it doesn’t specify whether he intends to pay YOU or he expects you to pay HIM.
Love it or hate it?
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Game over, man, game over!
Love it or hate it?
4 
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Someone needs to let this guy know that he needs to break out the commodore 64 before he is going to get any real action.
Super Lurve
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“Would you like to beat Super Smash Bros, even with Jigglypuff?”
`
Something tells me this is the only jigglypuff he’ll be seeing for awhile.
Super Lurve
6 
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Awesome. I can never look a damn Jigglypuff in the face ever again…
You’re a goddess, Tess! A goddess!
Love it or hate it?
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*curtsies*
Love it or hate it?
1 
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I don’t know whether there’s a Simpsons quote for every occasion, but there’s one for *this* occasion:
Comic Book Guy: How do you feel about 45-year-old virgins who live with their parents?
Random Cute Girl: Comb the Sweet Tarts out of your beard, and we’re on.
Comic Book Guy: Don’t try to change me, baby.
Super Lurve
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