Date Wrecks:

The WORST thing about dating online (besides surprise cock) is the random, cold-call style instant message.

So you saw my profile and thought you might be interested in talking to me? Okay, that’s fine. And then you realized I was online right now? REFRAIN you dullard! If you can’t take the time to craft an email to me, I’m not going to be interested in you. What if I’ve got OkCupid open in my browser tabs but I’m at work? What if I’m actually taking the time to reply to some decent human being’s email? You’re INTERRUPTING!

Seriously, the WORST thing. Hey, OkCupid! How about we get an option to make it the default to NOT be logged into the stupid god damn instant message feature? Hmm?

Stephanie sends in this submission, perfectly proving my point. She’s also a very delicate flower… just like me — very thoughtful and kind with her words. Heh.

italstal43: here’s an opener…i am so very curious about “awesome sauce”

italstal43: in the event u are still awake, i am checking u out now…see what u think of my profile too & maybe we can chat…yes, there is some distance, but u just never know, right?

italstal43: oh, and see if u can guess which is my FAVORITE pic u have!

italstal43: bet it isn’t what u think…hehe

Oh! That sounds like a FUN game! Let’s see which of Stephanie’s picture he’s fapping himself to in the middle of the night. Fucking douche.

Stephanie’s reply:

People who can’t spell out the word you, talk in text speak and use all caps shouldn’t be making profiles on dating sites.

Thanks for playing.

And then Stephanie said to me, “I was feeling especially cunty that day.”

Swoon! Cuntankerous! Beautiful.

So of course, rather than SENDING HER AN EMAIL AND TRYING TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT — this doucheknuckle sends her another instant message and further digs his own grave.

(4:22:03 am)italstal43:ahhh…look who it is…the only woman to ever take issue with my profile being improper english due to not spelling words out…so now I am about to go over yours with a fine-tooth comb and oh look out if I find ONE single error! LOL

(4:22:52 am)italstal43 h yeah…I’m about to bring it miss English perfectionist…hope you are ready!

Thanks for the time-stamps on this one, Stephanie. BTW, Stephanie works third shift at a television network so that her excuse for being up so late… What’s his? GO TO BED MAN!

And did he find anything? One can only assume that no, he didn’t. He didn’t contact Stephanie again. Yet.

So, shall we take a gander at this fucknut?

italstal43

43 / M / Straight / Single
Greenville, South Carolina

My Self-Summary

I would describe myself as a VERY passionate, italian guy with a GREAT sense of humor, a love for travel, excellent communicator, intelligent, and extremely romantic & affectionate, especially with that special woman who makes my heart skip a beat & causes me to get short of breath & lose my train of thought.

Being from NY originally (Hey, forgeddaboutit! LOL—true yankees will understand that one!), I am upfront & not shy at all. You would never have to guess what I truly want.

I am also VERY confident in my abilities!

And last…my favorite teams are Mets, Steelers, Lakers…(I’m a DIEHARD fan too!)

What I’m doing with my life

I’m currently enrolled in school for a new career in healthcare. I am attending a private college full-time to obtain certification in medical billing & coding. I’ve had to put my program on hold while I attend to some health issues (nothing major though) and should be resuming in October with a plan to graduate in December of this year.

I’m really good at

kissing (MORE than good…hehe), snuggling/spooning, bowling, pool, singing & dancing, some voice imitations, being quick-witted, reading people, debating, lots of trivia, and anything academic.

The first things people usually notice about me

It would have to be my killer sexy smile! (so i’ve been told)
I’ll also add my quite deep voice too! (yes, get ready to literally melt!) Oh, and I am 5’11″, NOT 5’10″! (damn site won’t save my changes…LOL)

My favorite books, movies, music, and food

LOTS of movies (comedy, adventure, mystery, romantic, sci-fi, horror), MOST types of music (except OLD country & classical), ITALIAN is my FAVORITE food!!!…love me some seafood too!

SOME OF MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE MOVIES: Planes, Trains, & Automobiles, Something About Mary, The Godfather I, II, & III, Good Fellas, The Untouchables, Armageddon, Independence Day, The Day After, Saw Series, Harry Potter Series, Lord of the Rings Triology, and soooo many more!
PLUS THESE ACTORS/ACTRESSES: Travolta, DeNiro, Pacino, Stallone, Liotta, (all the Italianos of course…LOL), Nick Cage, George Clooney, Harrison Ford, Sean Connery, Johnny Depp, Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, Hugh Jackman, Russell Crow, Tom Cruise, Will Smith, Leonardo di Caprio, Richard Gere, Michael Douglas, Keanu Reeves, Hugh Grant, Robin Williams, Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon & Ben Affleck…and the one and only Jamie Foxx! Angelina Jolie, Cameron Diaz, Demi Moore, Drew Barrymore, Meg Ryan, Reese Witherspoon, Sandra Bullock, Catherine Zeta Jones, Charlize Theron, Goldie Hawn, Gwyneth Paltrow, Hillary Swank, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jodie Foster, Kate Beckinsale, Kate Winslet, Keira Knightley Liv Tyler, Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman, Renee Zellweger, Sharon Stone, & Susan Sarandon.

(Favorite MUSIC/ARTISTS is under construction…lol)

The six things I could never do without

My computer, TV, food, music, sweet tea (NY has nothing like it!), & being able to travel to new & exotic places!

I spend a lot of time thinking about

how I can help out my mom (who is retired) and make her remaining years as wonderful & memorable as possible…to thank her for all she has done for me…making it possible for me to have an exciting new career in healthcare! Without her, I would not have this bright future ahead!

On a typical Friday night I am

watching my primetime shows or my sports…wishing I had someone special to spend that time with…

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

Guess you will have to wait & find out later after we get to know each other better…hehe.

I’m looking for

Girls who like guys
Ages 27-46
Near me
Who are single
For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, activity partners

You should message me if

You are passionate, romantic & affectionate and want the same in return…
You have some intelligence and would like debating exciting topics (which when heated enough, can be even MORE fun…hehe)…
You enjoy traveling to new places & sightseeing…
You are (preferrably) a NON-smoker…but it’s negotiable…
You enjoy watching sports & having someone to do that with (or at least you can tolerate it!)…
You are confident in yourself (physical included) and in your abilities…
You KNOW you are a good kisser (bonus points for being a GREAT kisser!) and love to do it often (even in public)…
You totally thrive on new & exciting adventures…
You are CAUCASIAN & not older than 46…
I know it sounds like a LOT to ask, but please be at least MOST of the above if not all of those…fair enough?

This last part is very IMPORTANT…just think about it if you will…

All I ask is that you treat me with the same respect that I will treat you…meaning, you get an e-mail from me, PLEASE RESPOND…even if to say “thanks, but not interested”…keeping it sincere of course. It’s just a courtesy to reply to someone that might be waiting for something back. (and will take all of 2 mins.)
Yes, I know there isn’t always an attraction or the age difference is too much for one’s taste, but to me it’s ONLY a number. However, I will respect that being an issue for some of you.
Keep in mind most younger guys are NOT as mature and far less knowledgable & experienced (hint, hint…lol) as older ones!
Also, since compatability is based on that percentage you see…if we are 80% or more (especially in the 90′s) and there is mutual attraction…shouldn’t we explore that??? It would be crazy not to and besides…you will be missing out on something awesome…trust me on that!
I hope you enjoyed my inner thoughts and perhaps we will connect soon and ignite some sparks! I know how to get the fires burning, do you??? hehe

Alright… So, let’s summarize. You are living with your mother who is also likely paying for you to start a NEW AND EXCITING CAREER in medical billing and coding. You were kicked out of NY for saying things like “forgeddaboutit” and you’re something of a racist. You think kissing in public is something that should be spoken of only in parenthesis and yet you have a creepy obsession with being and seeking a GREAT kisser. You attempt to appeal to younger women by hint-hinting at your sexual experience.

And finally, you go on a short little bitch-rant about how you clearly don’t get any replies to the emails you send… Which, sadly, explains the instant messaging. I suppose having a woman tell you to fuck off is at least SOME interaction with the opposite sex.