Seriously, the emails you guys are getting in your inbox lately are bizarre.
Scarlett from NYC sends this one in:
Got THIS amazing magic bag of whimsy from a guy on OKCupid. I assume his use of the word “fraulein” is the result of my having listed German as a language I speak “poorly.” The rest if it, I can’t explain; but the fact that his pseudonym includes a word invented by Lewis Carroll both delights and frightens me.
I imagine this man looking like Dustin Hoffman on the posters for that movie he was in with Natalie Portman…Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium? I think that’s it.
Well, I couldn’t match the visual there, but I’m hoping that Professor Henry Jones Senior will work in a pinch. Full text is below the video.
The email:
OMZ!
Sep. 7, 2010 – 10:58pmDear Fraulein Letter,
Oh My Zeus! Your profile is exquisite! I am flabbergasted, and possibly even gabberflasted, at how compelling I find you. The next time I am in NYC (which will be in early October, actually), I would love to meet you.
Yes, yes, this sounds awfully presumptuous, as you may have zero – nay, less than zero – interest in a total stranger who has done absolutely nothing to prove he is a sympatico spirirt and fellow advocate of feminism (Ã la hooks), but I simply must request it. Between your lovely prose, your striking features, and your sardonic nihilism, I find myself drawn like the moth to the flame. And, lest you think I am all puppies and roses, I will confess my motives are far from pure. I am interested in you both sexually and intellectually, but I would strive to offer you a meeting that would leave the queer theorists much to ponder.
Oh no, I’ve said too much,
Prof. M Frumious
Um… SAY WHAT? There’s a difference between sending a generic, boring email and sending one that will stand out from the others and set you apart. I don’t think, however, you should set yourself apart THAT much.
PS: Don’t tell me you’re interested in me sexually via email. Chances are, if you’ve got a penis and I’ve got tits and you’re emailing me on a dating site, you’re probably interested in me sexually. I think that’s a pretty fair assumption.
